Truth: I haven’t exercised in 6 weeks.
Truth: I feel bad about it. More so because I feel my body slowly going squishy and tubby and certain parts starting to look orange-peel-y. Less so because the world vilifies anything that does not seem to be striving for a ‘healthy lifestyle’ thanks to the zeitgeist of our time.
Truth: I want to do better. For me. To work out regularly. To get fit. Get a flat tummy and possibly a six pack and a firm butt.
Truer Truth: I really want to take a full breath in public. I have only been taking full breaths in the comfort of solitude, in my private space. It’s been three years now since I started walking around with my stomach in. That’s a commitment I need to let go of.
My first issue: Working out is rigid and unfree. It is routine. Routine, in that every day, at an agreed time, I have to put on my trainers and track clothes, head over to the gym and work out. Routine also in that the actual workout plan is a set program.
My general problem with routine is that the only freedom you have is in making the choice to partake in the activity. Beyond that choice, it’s not up to you, it’s up to the ‘program.’ The routine. So you can choose to work out or not, but how you work out is not up to you. It’s up to someone else. I hate that.
So yes, my problem with routine is a fundamental one.
That is something I obviously have no power to change because fitness requires expertise and repetition. Hating that rigidness is really a futile existential crisis. I totally get that. So even with fighting this, if I want to get fit and toned, I have to work out; consistently. I cannot win this.
My second issue, and possibly one I could control, is that the very nature of workout routines that breed results get boring after the first week of working out. I am averse to boredom. I cannot do boring. Ever. It’s not for lack of trying. When I get bored, I get depressed and my system instinctively shuts down.
I have tried it; worked out consistently for a couple of months and managed to keep at it. Then I got bored. I would want to work out. But I would want to not workout more.
So how do I make working out less like watching paint dry? I’ll let you know when I figure it out. Right now, all I know is the struggle is real. So real.